Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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