We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
