You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize