tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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