...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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