Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
