Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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