Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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