woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
