I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
