im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
