You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just cropdusted the office
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
