is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
