Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
