ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize