OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
