a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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