I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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