seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
