Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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