Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
