I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
