ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
