hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
