Don't you send me to vm
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
