You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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