going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
