the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
