Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
