my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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