so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
