Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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