ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
