I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
