literally had 100 drinks last night.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
