Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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