Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
