My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
