About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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