I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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