i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
