it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
