i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
