Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
