You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
