Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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