I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
