I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
