Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
