Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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