I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
