Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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