sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
