I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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