I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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