my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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