I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
