he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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