So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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