she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
