If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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