im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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