You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why do cheetos always look like penises
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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