just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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