the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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