If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
