i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
