I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
