VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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