Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
is that a dick in a sweater?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
