I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
