Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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