you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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