get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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