butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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