Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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