How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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