One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
