Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
