No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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