Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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