Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
