hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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