Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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