I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
