omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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