i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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