It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
