I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
