I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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