Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
