I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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