Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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