you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
