Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
