she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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