Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
two words...techno handjob
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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