wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
