Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My dick has a subreddit
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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