did you get engaged???
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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