So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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