I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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