I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
