spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
